60th Post,

A year later and where do we go now?

When I started this I was full of nervous energy, but at the same time questioning every thing I did. I think the questioning is still there, maybe worse, but I have managed to put 60 entries in an online journal. Someone may even read it I am told. (If you do, drop me an email.)

There have been a few posts I have started and dropped. There was a period being reviewed by neurologists and occupational specialists giving opposing information. The neurologist basically told me that I am where I am with only a hope of slow improvement. The "occupational specialists" only want me off insurance or SSDI (which I have been denied) and won't help me look for anything. There is one exception to that, one them recommended speech therapy, which the insurance company is paying for, but I wonder about the motives for that. I admittedly have to much time to think about these things. On Thursday, I get a speech evaluation.

The stroke has left me with a lot of legitimate little problems. The drugs to treat the blood pressure and cholesterol also cause a few. The general fatigue is getting better, but the speech is still taking time. Reading aloud may be helping and I do it regularly. In a day or so I should be done with Let My People Go Surfing, read completely aloud. Am I just as tongue tied reading as when I started it two weeks ago? Yes, I think. I don't notice the little improvements, though they do happen. Probably the best thing I could do is engage more people in conversation. But adding stress to the conversation seems to halt me. I wonder if that is the stroke or just me. It all ties in together.

Wish me luck in the coming year. I hope to go back to work again, maybe in glass or some other part of construction. If not, the boredom may do as much damage as the stroke.