A New Home (And Paperwork)

Okay this is twice this post has disappeared so I am giving up.  Pictures, a real post and more tomorrow

Pixies and Reality Setting In

First, Ned and I went to see the Pixies tonight, which will explain why I am writing at 11:45 or later. Well, Dad stood in the back and son would come see him from time to time. The show was excellent regardless and very loud and very well produced. One of these days I will find out if they saved one of my favorites for last or not. It was fun and my already bad hearing will probably remain bad and may have gotten a little worse.

During free time and moments I can steal and think of it at work, I am preparing myself for the boat. So far I have accomplished very little, but may have a place or two to store it. Tomorrow will be a couple of more calls. The reality hit me Monday when I went to get a price on a trailer hitch for my car. They are roughly as much as I paid for the boat. Storage is also going to cost me more that the boat's price, and we haven't started working or seriously looking for a motor.

One positive note is that because it is only 14 feet long, a season's pass on the Canal will only cost $25.00. That is when and if it goes in the water. I have to thank a few people for the outpouring of support for my project. Rick, Steve and John, thank you. And thank you Maria.

For now there is a new copy of Wooden Boat magazine on the magazine pile, a lot of ideas, more questions, a certain dread thinking about what it may need and a desire to just get to work.

A Birthday and A Present

I turned 52 yesterday. Not a grand accomplishment, but not bad either. With no strokes for two and half years, and being back to work full time again, I decided I didn't have enough excitement in my life. So I bought a pair of skis and then a pair of boots. This was good, but kind of limited in the excitement area. You can only ski a limited part of the year and sometimes I believe I can ski better than I can walk, so its not much of a challenge, even if I haven't skied since the stroke.

The stroke did some funny things. I am very uncomfortable fly fishing now, or found it very unnerving to be wading in moving water. I will to try it again, but not right now. Likewise, when I tried to tie flies, it was terribly frustrating. But, I have enjoyed gardening and wood working. A new cherry bookcase appeared in our living room, we had a wonderful flower garden for cutting this summer and my Dad's roses have been successfully transplanted to our side yard.

So a while ago, looking around Craigslist, a boat caught my eye. It was born the same year as I was, 14 feet long, made of mahogany and sold by Sears. I initially resisted and forgot about it. But after another search of Craigslist I found it (after two or more weeks had passed). The end result found Maria and I driving around Wayne County trying to find an address, me writing a check and now me trying to find a place for this new project. So I bought myself a birthday present.

I have always felt boats were a hole in the water you throw money into. This one came with a low price tag, but I am afraid of what the final cost will be. I am figuring out it's pedigree. It's hull was made in Texas, shipped by train to Penn Yan, finished by the Angler Boat Company and sold by Sears and Roebuck as an Elgin.

It needs a motor, steering, seats, lights, lots of bright work, a few repairs, bottom paint, top varnish and then trying to get the thing legal. That said, I anticipate taking our mahogany runabout to Pittsford with my bride for a dinner on the canal. Or a nice day on Canandaigua Lake. It is small enough to be doable, big enough to be usable and could be a lot of fun.

I guess I have recovered from my stroke, though I will never have recovered. I still have speech problems, I still have balance problems, I still panic at times that I am not acting appropriately. These will always haunt me. I am too far advanced for speech therapy, a physical therapist can't find my balance problems and for the most part I do fine in social situations (though Maria too often ends up on the receiving end of inappropriate behavior. And I am sorry.)

So for the most part this blog will be turned towards the restoration of an Elgin fourteen foot mahogany runabout. I think the progress will be slow initially, but I am excited. At another time in my life I spent a lot of time with a boat builder, so this one is for you Mike. In a year or two, look for the bearded gray haired man and the pretty blond woman in the mahogany outboard.

I have had a stroke and it has changed my life in many ways. I will never be the same, but I don't see that as a problem, it is a challenge. The world is never the same from one day to the next, but I survive in it and thrive in it. And I get more resilient and stronger every day, stroke or not. Now it's time to keep moving.

Life Continues

To quote my brother, "Life has been a little full lately." But his life can be full by choice or at least the choice not to make it less full. I have had a number of thing just come together at the same time, making life a little busier. If you find me these days, I can't speak as well as I could a month ago, at least that is how I feel.

I actually seem to be getting some of my vocabulary back, but having it and having to think about it is again taking a toll. I will deal with it. Today had me landing more work, but this is unique in that my competitor was my old employer and the customer was one I fought for while I was there. Several days of phone calls and reviewing my bid from January has gotten wearing but it all became worth it when I was awarded the contract today. Somewhat scarily I now have 3/4 of a million in work to run. Pretty cool and scary when you know you are missing a good chunk of your brain. I will get through it and prosper.

Add to that reporting for jury duty yesterday, which I was excused from, partly because of my brain injury. The bad part was it sounded like an interesting trial. And all this come with other problems at work, having nothing to do with me, still affecting us all in the office. Hopefully they will work themselves out. And the prom approaches this weekend which was fine until Maria rented the fateful limo and the drama began. I have tried to reinforce that the limo is Maddy's since she and Maria rented it and filling it is her discretion. Life should calm down very soon.

But on a positive note, I am in the third week of being gluten free, except beer. Okay this is a problem, but even with much smaller amount of beer I consume I feel much better and I have lost some weight. I am looking at the Paleo/Arheo diet and trying to learn. I see my doctor in a couple of weeks and should find out more.

I have also been very busy reading and will update the list soon. And two posts in May. Life is full but good.

Books

I just saw my book list and it is horribly out dated. I have finished the Aubrey Maturin series with the exception of 21. We were coerced in purchasing the weekend edition of the New York Times, for fear of losing our digital rights, so now have too much to read. More soon and current reading list. And completely of subject, an excellent Kentucky Derby, not one of the horses I chose, but a great race. So I picked the winner of the Woodruff Stakes so it wasn't a real loss.

Books will be coming soon.

Changes

I spent the first year after the stroke just trying to wrap my head around it. I walked, slept and tried to deal with these little limitation that keep manifesting themselves. Some where in the second year I started noticing that life was returning to some semblance of normal, not quite normal mind you but better than it had been in a year. At around 18 months I got the opportunity to go back to work on a part time basis and now that we approach the 2 year mark I am working nearly full time.


In the life that transpired during this, I lost first my father, and then a year and three months later, my mother. Both lived fully in their own rights and are now someplace arguing, my father with the drink in his hand and my mother trying to take it away, while Do You Love Me from Fiddler on the Roof plays in the background. Somehow we became a family of Russian Jews, land far from our Anglo and Germanic heritages.


But I am now realizing that I am in the third stage after the stroke. I am now rebuilding, with a passion. Some of what drives me crazy is realizing how preventable my stroke was. There were the two biggies, smoking and drinking too much beer, but I think that it is more related to diet.


Maria and I recently stayed in Providence, Rhode Island where she presented and worked at the American Society for Indexing conference. My Meg is also in Providence, in her final year at RISD. On Friday, Meg and I drove to Cape Cod to see an old friend. Meg and Steve are jewellers and jewellery and art monopolized a lot of the conversation, but Steve and I are also at that wonderful 51 year mark where things can go to hell or not pretty quickly and get harder to get back. We are both pretty active, he probably more that me, but have both felt some of time's wear and tear. He recently changed his diet cutting out glutens and dropped 25 pounds and claims to feel great. And he looks better. Meg also has been gluten free for quite a while, having any number of problems with wheat and milk,


So here I am a week into a gluten free diet. I could care less about the weight, I never weighed enough. I do care about the fat and I do care about any number of things that were continually bothering me. I am starved most of the time and learning this on the fly. But the TUM's bottle has not been touched in few days and I don't have an upset stomach much of the time.

There is more going on too, but I will save it for another night. Now that I am "recovered" I have this need to push myself and make myself better than I was. There are days my back is sore, I get exhausted and my knees don't work. Sciatica has reared its ugly head, slowing me down some, but most days there is no hope of running. But I am going to make myself better. I have a new bucket list and aim to stay alive to complete it.

And since I am never seen on facebook anymore, Happy Birthday Mr. Dwyer! a few days late.

Catch Up

For starters I have to say "Go Green Bay!" I really enjoyed that Super Bowl.

Work goes well. It is trickling in and I enjoy what I do. I completed one tiny job and may have a lot more work. It remains in a kind of bureaucratic limbo though. Unbeknownst to me I was fast tracked through the Social Security Disability process. I started work and was deemed disabled at the save time. So I think I am on a back to work program. At some point the paperwork may catch up. But I continue to work and get less and less tired.

In the time I have been working, from the end of October, my Mother has taken serious turn. She has been diagnosed with a condition called Cortico Ganglio Basil Degeneration (CGBD). I kiddingly refer to it as CBGB's and Mother is a punk rocker, but it is really no laughing matter. In a matter of three months she has gone from living on her own at home to being wheelchair bound, unable to walk or feed her self in skilled nursing. It is one of the many Parkinson's like brain diseases which sadly cripple and eventually kill people. I spent the weekend at home and I pray that she is spared soon. There is no cure and she is beyond anything slowing or controlling it.

To add to matters, a brother managed to have a heart attack, but not a stroke, while he was visiting Las Vegas for a conference. It hasn't been a good couple of years for Hinges. But his heart attack was caught before any heart damage was done and with luck he will recover quickly.

I have to promise myself not to let this go again. It has been too easy since I have been back to work. I would like to say I am all recovered, being back to work almost full time, but I am not. Things are going well, and I hope they keep getting better. But I still get frustrated with my speech and I still get fatigued. Yes I am a hell of a lot better and I am very grateful. I will keep you posted on how things continue.

What would Jesus Do?

As seen in a Northern NY newspaper on Black Friday, shortly before I blew up my Father in law's Land Rover Discovery:

WWJD

People, could you please go for a decent light display this Christmas -- I have spent hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to light up my backyard for my family, but when I walk through these neighborhoods I see trashy dollar-store lights and hand-me-down displays. What would Jesus do?

Ironically after seeing this in the paper, I found it online on PagenSpace.com, not a website I frequent, but one Google found for me. Okay, I initially looked for the wrong paper Malone versus Plattsburgh, but that was an easy mistake since Maria's Mom and Dad get both papers and they are close to equally thin.

I guess I am just not in the holiday spirit yet.

Working

I am now on my second week back at work and it is exhausting and feels wonderful at the same time. I work only around 20 or so hours a week, limited in the time I can spend and the amount I can make by the disability insurance. I am not quite ready to let go of that safety net yet, though I am sure it will come soon enough.

So far I have bid two projects with a full slate for the rest of the month. When I had the stroke, the effects of the recession were just trickling down and work was starting to get more competitive. I saw a few projects from the stimulus, but I have always questioned how much of that money went to general building, it seemed like more went infrastructure. Infrastructure is good but doesn't share the wealth in the same way.

But my timing seem like it is pretty good, there seems to be a lot of work out and more coming out. My first bid was a little school project around Watertown and an old friend Tony P was a bidder. I caught up with him today to find out how we looked and chat. I wasn't low and neither was he, but he gave me the heads up on two other projects coming out. It is a cut-throat business, but you find a lot of good people. It feels good to be back.

Job!

After way too long, I head back to work in the glass business on Monday. It is part time for now with the potential to grow if it all works. Needless to say I am breathing a little easier and if you see me today I am a little closer to the ceiling.

To make a long story short, a friend and former co-worker has been talking about his situation for a while when we meet in Wegmans. A trip to a CSI show a couple weeks ago found me meeting a rep I hadn't seen in some time. He mentioned I should call my friend, which was all good, except St. Lawrence was rowing in the Head of the Genesee and we had a houseful coming. So with guests here and races to watch, these two beat me to the punch and Bill got to me first. That was last week and I start next week.

I expect this will exhaust me for a while, which is fine with me. So forgive me, I have been bad at posting for a while, and I may be getting worse. I am excited though and cannot wait to get the highlighters out and get back to work.

Wish me luck...

Apples

Today was a fine damp fall Rochester day with the requisite concrete sky and drizzle. But feeling quite out of shape and wishing to forestall a cold I finally got off my butt and went for a good walk. Now I feel twice as out of shape, but while walking around the suburban neighborhood below us I noticed a funny phenomenon.

Passing one house I noticed a man picking up apples from his lawn and putting them to the curb. These were not your crab apple variety, but big red standard apples. And some that were going to the curb looked pretty good and the tree was full of more good looking fruit. A few houses away there was another tree (and lawn) covered with what appeared to be Granny Smith apples.

It just strikes me as funny to have people going out of their way to maintain lawns and ignore food ironically growing on trees. We seem to have misplaced a value or two.

Relearning

The glass business, now if I could find an employer. I have mixed feelings about in, yes it did contribute to my stroke. But I love and miss it.

This internet is an amazing tool. I have learned all kinds of things in the last few days. Between that and project management I may be a good employee soon or a maybe a better consultant. So much to learn but so much I have learned. And the industry has changed a lot too. If I keep learning the job may come.

A few emails sent to old friends and contacts has yielded a lot of response. It is pretty cool. I still sleep too late and need to bring my bike back and ride to get in shape. But it will all come together.

I Guess I Miss....

This shit. Searching glass sites and amazed that Oldcastle has bought Moduline windows, Fulton Windows and the rest of the Vistawall group. Wondering how my friend Eldon Pagel made out and may have to call him. Pella had purchased EFCO sometime before my stroke so no suprises there except they do have a unitized wall system. And it offers 4 side silicone glaze, very cool. Traco is now part of Alcoa, Graham has a curtain wall system and just lots of fun news.

Then there is the Arch story, but I see Max Perilstein has landed okay. I wonder about his cousin, only because he treated me to a dinner in Vegas that was worth about a grand a head.

Yes I miss this. And yes I will be back. Its just a matter of time.

To Rep or Not to Rep....

The past week or so has found me wiped out, though not like before. I recover a little quicker, though the effects of age seem to be catching up too. But today found me sleeping late, getting up to do my project management course and being interrupted.

The first call was a friend about a job I would love, but won't move for. It's located in Jamestown, and I don't have the stamina to commute for weekends and we don't really want to relocate there.

The second call was from a curtain wall fabricator in Canada who's ad I clicked on regarding a sales rep position. And this is while an ad for a project engineer for Gilbane stares at me on Craigslist. So where does one begin?

Well, the Gilbane position sits there, waiting for my resume, while I hem and haw and question whether I want to work for a company like Gilbane and if I am qualified and... And then the guy in charge of developing sales in the states is waiting for my input. But do I want to go into sales? The sales guy who can't talk, though that is in my head, so of.

And there is the status quo, draw the disability check and study project management and hem and haw. It is not so bad either, but it is. Sure this project management shit drives me crazy, partially because it throws how bad a project manager I was right in my face. But I want to learn, even if every third principle ends in the BS. Slogging on and going nuts doing so, our hero faces new challenges which he can decide upon before they have been decided upon for him. I guess it is time to shit or get off the pot, or it's getting closer to time.

Life does have a way of progressing around here though. A week or more ago I took Ned back to Oswego to start classes. Today Maddy started her Junior year, with her mother's car. Meg starts sometime. New books have to be added to the reading list. It is very obsolete. I finished the first Patrick O'Brian book, as opposed to the second I finished last week. I am reading Napoleon on Project Management, by Jerry Manas to keep a sense of humor about this project management. Two books that have been finished I would recommend, sadly with no authors tonight: Holy Water and Model Home, both good funky modern novels.

Tomorrow brings more thought and agonizing. Something will change soon, its back to school time.

Becoming My Father....NOT!!

I am reeling slightly, having finished my first Patrick O'Brian book and enjoying it. Edward S. swore by the merits of O'Brian and loved him. He condemned my brothers and myself for liking the movie version of Master and Commander, telling us it missed so much. Yes, father but Russell Crowe is a mans man and it was a good movie.

Strangely, while visiting the homestead last week I could not find a copy of Master and Commander, O'Brian's first Aubrey/Maturin novel. Yes, there were two or more copies of most others, but no first book. So I read the second, Post Commander. And I liked it of all things. And having enjoyed it I went to the library tonight and found the first but not the third. But it is okay, since there are at least three copies in Barneveld. So with another novel I found I am set for the week for reading material.

That in itself is no small task. Since The Art of Racing in the Rain was suggested, I have been devouring novels, good, bad, ugly and indifferent. I can't say all I have read. At the same time I am going right through a course on Project Management. I have been a project manager for years and often a bad one. Now I realize I am both a bad project manager and I have had been in situations where project management was not done correctly. I say that with tongue in cheek. It is not rationally applied to construction. He who is further up on the food chain wins.

Enough, but I promise not to be so lax in writing. I continue to search for a job though it terrifies me. I need to start riding my bike again and want to start doing Tai Chi. I want my knees to feel better so I can run again. Maybe I am not becoming my father...

Events

It has been an interesting couple of weeks at best. One day I was just minding my own business and suddenly a head hunter calls and wonders if I would know anyone interested in an estimator position at a local general contractor. Well of course I would... But only after checking legal options and getting all nervous and jerky.

Well three weeks later, I didn't get the position and I am pretty upset and pretty wiped out from the experience. But now the bug is with me. Its a pretty scary thing, this going back to work. I hate being idle, I hate depending on a disability check and I hate getting about 1/3 of my former income. But it's also been steady, been a godsend, and beats the heck out of getting nothing. There are days I feel ready to take on the world, but there are days I also feel wiped out, completely.

A while ago I finally went for a speech evaluation, my speech being the quantifiable area where I still feel affected from the stroke. It is, with out a doubt, getting better, but my vocabulary is not back and still feel it getting labored. It may never return to what it was and Maria is probably one of the only people who would know. I have always been the quiet type.

My speech seems to be fine and they recommended a neuro-psych evaluation. I am fighting Blue Cross for this. (Yes they would like you to get better, but only by normal...aka cheap means, nothing out of the ordinary.)

But nothing can put out this burning desire to go back to work. I want to be an estimator again. That area of my brain where the quantities of materials the go into a building reside did not seem be damaged. It can be glass, timbers, block or brick, steel or drywall. My old neighbor, who will hopefully be a congressman soon, once told me estimating was simple: you just count things. Well maybe not that simple. Well sort of...

While I look and I see no harm in looking, I am taking a course in project management to earn some project management certificate. I have a hard time with letters. I am learning, but going crazy with it. I have in the past been a good and bad project manager. Maybe I can get better.

In the meantime if you know of an estimating position.....

Random

As Maddy would say. This seems to be the way life is going. Then there is the good Dr. (Hunter S.) Thompson who said "When the going gets tough, the tough get weird." And that seems totally fitting.

And then we saw George Thorogood and the Destroyers with Robert Cray and a Vaughan-less Fabulous Thunderbirds. Okay, not my cup except for Cray who was great.

Time to plug a Furthur disc in and relax....and deal with the random.

Time

Listening to Furthur once again play Pink Floyd's Time tonight or maybe we are well into morning. Thinking a little to much. Things seem to be in a state of flux here, with a lot of unsettling and settling things. I listened to Viola Lee Blues and The Wheel is coming soon. Life progresses and is good.

Maria and I got a tour of Amish farms in northern New York this weekend. Elle took me to Ben Yoder's sawmill and now I know I can build a timber frame. Ben sells pine for about .40 a board foot. We fished for bass on Higley Flow and I again got skunked but I am getting good at driving the boat. I do wish Maria could feel better, but that will come I hope.

There is much happening here. To settle things I again listen to Phil and Bobby and miss Jerry. We only saw one show this summer, but it was one of the best. Maybe again next year. We shall see where we all are.

Shop Cleaning

My brothers and I are gathering in Barneveld this weekend to deal with my father's estate and try to make my mother's life a little simpler. This task could end up with four of us attempting murder of her or each other, but could possibly work itself out and thing could end up settled and my mothers life become easier. Probably not, but it could.

Not having a piece of property to dispose of, a lawyer or accountant to fetch things for or some other noble task, I have set myself to work cleaning the shop. The Hinge Corporation moved into the shop sometime in the early 1970's and was there until we closed the corporation in 1993 or 1994. In it's earlier life it served as a Duofold underwear factory, an ice cream plant and a car dealership and auto repair shop. The last was operated as Haskell's Garage, run by my Uncle Glen's father.

When Glen died in the early 90's I swore I would see him there late at night, when I was cutting flooring for the house I was building. For the last 10 or more years the shop had been my dad's escape. I don't know that he did anything, but he hid there and cut things and had his tools there. When I walked in Friday I hoped I would be able to do a little work there over the weekend but it quickly became apparent that it needed cleaning first. Today I have a much better idea of what tools are there and what works. Most of the coffee cups are gone and a lot of the coffee cans. The first load of empty boxes went to the recycling center and the second is stacked by the door. On the next trip home, hopefully we can load up my Uncle Bill's truck and get some of the full garbage cans out.

A few treasures were found, but more things that were just memories. I found his secret vodka stash and fittingly there were four bottles left. I don't thing a lot of things are important to any one but me. I did work there for 10 or 20 years depending how you count it. I don't know what will happen to the building, I have thought about taking it over, but I don't live there and don't need it. My brother Joe also considers it. At least it will be a little cleaner soon.

Dovetails Continued and Tomatoes

Today brought a major change in the weather. While it cooled yesterday following the thunderstorms, today stayed cloudy and cool for most of the day. It was only later in the afternoon when it got quite warm and that wasn't oppressive like the previous weeks. This spring and summer's heat have had one positive effect, the tomatoes are coming early. Okay I bought my plants and they were decent sized when they were planted, but I also planted them in May. Last night we had our first Cherry Tomatoes and they were excellent. I refrained from picking the couple more that were ripening today so there would be more to enjoy tomorrow. It makes losing so much to the deer and rabbits tolerable since they tend to leave the tomatoes alone. They look like they will be coming in waves, so stop by for a salad.

The dovetails improved some yesterday. I took today off to shop for a new chisel and saw. My Ryoba was about dead, but I have been using it to cut small trees. My Home Depot "dovetail saw" never really cut it on hardwood. So bolstered by the success of yesterday I went tool shopping today. I am not one to blame equipment most of the time. New skis and bikes don't help if you can't ski or ride. Or lets say that they will not take you from novice to expert. But, my smallest chisel would not fit in my dovetails. I think I also bought the chisel set for under $10. Not exactly fine woodworking tools. But they for the most part work. My last dovetails failed on sawing the wrong side of one line, not from the saw.

Tools require tuning to keep them working properly. I am getting my head and my tools tuned. I am not sure the head can be saved but most of the tools can.